FEAR

Yes… fear… the little death. The fear of the unknown, the fear of being far away from my family, from the people I know, fear of not being successful, fear of failure. My vision is blurred by these fears. It’s difficult to handle fear… more difficult to handle it alone.

Homework

My mom told my little sister to do her math homework, as you may imagine the homework was some multiplications. I think she took it seriously.

By the way, she got an A+

Change and Challenge

Well, I've been reflecting a bit, and I see the uses of hope. Hope is the reality waiting to be created. I’ve been a little depressed a few days ago but now I feel a new impulse driven by challenge. The challenge: I’m going to study a Master in Information Technology! Yes, I will apply next week to the University of Queensland in Australia. The decision is made and my next 2-3 years of my life will be hard and away from home. Rough times are coming, but I’m sure I’ll be blessed and my path will be illuminated.

And more about hope:

“Hope is a state of mind, not of the world. Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously heading for success, but rather an ability to work for something because it is good.” ~ Vaclav Havel

Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense regardless of how it turns out. ~ Vaclav Havel

Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.

Hope... I heard a lot about hope. Some say that hope gives us the strength to keep going, that hope is the only thing that you must never loose. I heard that hope is the feeling that you will succeed tomorrow in what you failed today. I believe hope is an illusion, a concept created to make people feel better when they are in despair. It is a psychological state of mind. Hope gives you son impulse, hope can give you strength, but a man can’t live with hope alone. It’s good to have some hope sometimes, but there is people that rely on hope every day, every minute. I believe that is wrong. I consider myself a dreamer, but being a dreamer in this world has only brought me suffering and loneliness. So I saw that I lived only with hope, but every time I had hope, I was disappointed in the end. For me hope is now forbidden. I will not rely on hope anymore, ever. Hope never dies? HA! I just killed it. I will rely on intelligence and hard work. Dreams… I don’t know… I’ve been a dreamer all my life… it is a part of me that I may never change. But dreams will never drive me anymore. I will set clear objectives for myself. I may never have hope again; I may never hope something happens anymore, who knows… I don’t’ know. Maybe next week I’m back to normal.